I recommend retreats. I recommend space and time for anyone to be with themselves. I got back from a stint in France where I did a lot of that. Less art and more walks. Less social and more solo. It was a wonderful trip, but at the same time... There were lots of walks to the local church to pray. Lots of looking around and wondering what I should do when I go back. On the plane ride home I started to write about everything in my heart. I didn't stop writing from about 4 hours.
Toward the end of the trip I had learned some things, some of which I plan to put into a book or something of the sort. I relished those morning walks the most, for they gave me those lessons. I drank them in, knowing the walks would soon end. Going back is always bittersweet. You're usually going home to people and places you love dearly. This time around I was returning to my childhood home, no job, clean slate. It felt different from my other return flights while traveling. I was so excited to go back to a home that had been a part of my heart for so long, but when I got back....I realized there was a new person who was trying to fit in her old bedroom. There were new desires and new ways of operating around people. Something didn't match.
What do I want to create?
Who is this new woman and what does she need?
We always think we're more solid than we are, don't we? We always think that being stoic and non-responsive to life changes is being "strong".
It's different this time, but it's also the same. Old patterns are hard to break, but I'm much more aware of them than I ever was before. Curious, even. I have several practices for this time in my life, but one of them is to recall a quote that's helped carry me in the past:
"To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work." -Mary Oliver
I will do this. I will do this forever! ;)
Warmth and light,