Why Can't We Find Our Voice?

Singing is not easy, but at least you have YOUR voice to use. You don't really have to "find it," you just have to learn how to use your body and vocal chords, and then sing in a way that feels good. You own it, it comes from you, and it’s simple like that.

The musical part is kind of hard. How do you write a song that’s truly you? I might argue that you put yourself in the story, you use your own words, you sprinkle in melodies and beats that you like. Again, it’s not easy, but I can see how to approach creating an original song.

But illustration—making art—I hear from so many illustrators that they are trying to develop a style, or they are trying to make a consistent portfolio. I have never had a consistent portfolio and it irks the heck out of me. Why can’t I just KNOW my voice and use it? Or…am I looking at it wrong?

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I was at a conference this past weekend, and I saw lots of artists that know who they are and how they draw. And their work looks like one voice, one album of songs that wind and play together. Mine looks like several different channels but perhaps with the same character in different genres? I don’t know why. But I’ve been told by lots of people that I have several styles and it keeps being a problem.

There’s a, Illustration podcast I listen to, that talks a lot about how frustrating it is to try and stick your work into one “style box” in order to get work from clients. But you know what- it’s really how you get work from clients! The podcast host will interview agents and art reps, and they always say they look for artists with a consistent style. The host hates this, but he’s always polite about it. He knows it’s true. Clients want to look at artists as products that they can buy or hire, because they have very specific needs.

So then- how do we find our own voice in the visual arts? Instead of a physical instrument, we have an imagination and a hand. The artwork you create is a separate thing from you altogether. Many times, no one sees you when they are looking at the art. So your artistic voice is automatically disembodies and abstract, but it’s there.

“Do what feels good,” they say. “Draw what you like,” I hear. Ok….maybe they’re onto something.

Three Determining Factors- Something to Ponder

Dan Berry, cartoonist and creative renaissance man, was on the same Illustration podcast for a different episode, and he said that your style/voice comes from three things: your circumstances, your ambition, and your tolerance of failure. For example, you might only have an hour to draw in the last hours of the night, when kids are sleeping, or maybe your fresh out of college and you have 8 hours a day to futz around. Time and stress levels will probably find their way into your work with how much detail you use, what you choose to draw, and even what type or projects you work on.

Right now I find myself with little to no time, lots of ambition, but a low tolerance of failure. I’m a perfectionist, but I also don’t have large swaths of time, so failing = wasting time in my little ratty brain.

Not Just How it Looks, But What it’s About

Your voice is also about the content you’re making. There’s a story or character that you’re drawing, right? And this comes from a place, just like in songwriting, that requires your own life experiences and emotions about a subject. This is a great article that refers to some writers and how treating your work like it’s a hobby can be beneficial. Do it because you enjoy it and fuck everyone else. In kinder words, Stephen King says, “Write with the door closed.”

So it seems like LOVE is a huge factor in finding your voice. So is synthesizing your life experiences. Could it be a lot more like music than I thought? You definitely want to sing in a way that feels good. If you’re trying to sing like Mariah Carey and it’s killing your alto chords, then quit it. Embrace the Karen Carpenter and move on. Maybe this is the same for drawing and painting. I love you Shaun Tan, but I may not have it in me to paint like that in this season of my life.

Where to Go From Here?

I don’t know. I’m not including art in this post because I want to write for a little while. I think writing and ideas might be the place to start for me. But for others, it might look like doodling for several weeks, trying new mediums. What do you think? I’m writing this post because I don’t know! Haha. But taking one step forward is better than no step. And a weird step toward a stone bridge you’ve never explored, is probably better than heading toward the same road you drive down every single day.

Annie

Galettes for Dayz: September

Hi guys. I'm keeping this one short since the boy is playing in my office and I can only hope he'll be content for the next fifteen minutes!

This Spetember I've made at least 4 galettes (and an illustration, too!) They are simple to make, seasonal and delicious. They get me into the mood for Fall and they also remind me of France. In France, I made a few galettes for my friends and this might be the first time I've made one since! I have such great memories of France that it's nice to relive a few while making this treat.

P.S. apple galettes are the BEST. I used fuji apples, but you can use granny smith, or any other fresh apple. I really don't think it matters too much for this dish!

I hope you all have some wonderful September mornings with tea and something warm and delicious to savor the slanted light with. Lots of love,

Annie

Good-Bye, July.

July has pretty much come and gone. It’s been hot, and we did get in the pool a bit, but I fear that we might not get there again before the man goes back to work. The boy, however, has no work to do, and is antsy. He’s crawling and wearing us out! Oh, pool, I wish you were right out my back door. Maybe the sprinklers will do?

I’ve made some progress on the B. Tull Mysteries, a collection of short stories starring B. Tull, Private Eye. I thought I would have finished illustrating it this Summer, but I’ve only completed this piece (above), and I’m still working on revisions to the text as well. It’s always slower than you think!

My saving grace this last week, when the boy was screaming and teething and writhing around, was this podcast, Creative PepTalk. Making art is lonely sometimes, and childrens books take a really LOOOOONG time, so it’s bound to be challenging. Even though I love it, no one thrives on multitudes of isolation and concentrated efforts. Sometimes I wonder what the heck I’m doing. Does anyone care? Do I even care anymore? I think that’s the tiredness sometimes, but it’s also the isolation, which comes along with “working from home”.

Alas, artists make progress, though, and one day we have something to share with others, and we get an “Oh cool!” or “This is fabulous!” and our hearts kind of melt like the doldrums were worth it! I’m making this book for my baby boy, and I cannot wait to read it to him. :) He makes it worth it.

Here’s another image I made for my tech company, fly.io. I do feel like that I get to draw cartoons all day.

Have a wonderful rest of your Summer, and a longer update on the new book is coming soon! Here’s a recipe of my favorite snack/breakfast before I go. It’s from a cookbook I just bought and LOVE, and is geared toward athletes, so it’s got lots of power-packed treats.

-Annie

Welcome, Summer!

Happy June, friends. The Sun is no longer shy, the roses are on their way out, and the swimming pool is looking mighty tempting. I’ve always been a Spring and FALL kinda gal but here in Mendocino County is near Summer, and I kinda like it. I feel closer to my 11 year self, who loved playing in sprinklers and eating popsicles. She wants to come out and play now, so I pray it won’t be 100 + degrees all June and July so she can have at least a little fun in the sun.

I’m working away at my newest collection of short stories for children. The working title is B. Tull, Private Eye: All in a Day’s Work. I’m loosening up my line work this time, staying in a 2 color palette, and letting the book be as simple as possible. Some moms wear Mom Jeans, I wear my “KISS” hat (keep it simple, sweetie). This has been crucial to my “getting things done” and staying sane.

Some inspirations for this book are the Frog and Toad books by Arnold Lobel, Dr. Seuss, and Quentin Blake. If you look at these artists, they don’t try too hard. They let it flow. Quentin Blake is known for practicing his line work over and over, so that it’s nearly effortless when he has to use it for real. I’ve always been pretty tight when drawing- I like my lines nicely curved and very strait, shaky lines make me nervous. But now, if I’m too nervous, my lines are MORE shaky, so if I loosen up, I can find a happy middle ground.

I’m also on the hunt for commissions. I’ve been out of the social media game for a while, which means I’ve lost most of my threads to folks who might be interested in projects with me. It’s a struggle to build something back with good boundaries, and I think I’ll have to humble myself and start asking folks to help me spread the word. That’s what people did before computers, right? We talked to each other in person or on the phone.

That said, here are my current offerings while I also work on my kids book:

Custom Storybook Character Artwork (available as a commission through my webstore)

I’m also doing pet portraits! I used to do a lot of these but had to pull back when the baby came. I’m back at it, though, and boy is it fun. My favorite part of the cats and dogs are their eye balls. If you’d like one, just send me an email.

I hope you all have a wonderful Summer. Stay cool, get outside, eat lots of melons, and I’ll see you in July!

-Annie

A Bunch of Old Notebooks

Happy February, friends. Motherhood feels a little more natural these days. The baby boy is great and learning so many new sounds and tricks. He’s really into squealing right now.

Right in front of me, I have about ten notebooks from the age of 11-16, where I wrote my deepest and most personal thoughts about the world. I’m going to share a couple of these dorky thoughts, complimented by some new illustrations:

Honestly, my sister doesn’t have a big nose. I guess I was LOOKING for something to comment on at that moment. Other pages mention boyhood crushes, wishing I were an actress, and stuff I saw around my neighborhood. It’s both funny, often boring, and cringe to read my old thoughts.

I was clever at times, often frustrated with being a child and pretty dang hormonal once I reached 12 years old. My guess is I had some “imbalance” back then that has, thankfully, evened out a little. This is my life: constantly dealing with digestive and hormonal junk. Anyone else have so much trouble?

I’m not creating much art these days beyond doodles, but I am writing some songs and picture book ideas down after long morning walks with the baby. It’s an active form of creating and I really enjoy it. I forgot that you could walk and let your mind wander until it lands on some little gemstone, hidden beneath the dense forms that accumulate in the mind. I love writing songs while on these walk and singing to the baby, eventually finding a hooky line that works. I take a voice memo and move onto the next idea.

In 2019, I worked on five new songs with a producer in Los Angeles. I’m really proud of those songs, and I have the itch again right now to explore some new themes and melodies. I’m still in the first phases, but it feels good to write music again. If you haven’t heard my music, you can find it here.

Questions on my mind:

What’s fun about writing and how can I lean into that?

What makes a great hook?

What makes a memorable character?

I added some new goodies in the store! I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the month, and look forward to sharing more doodles with you in the future. Ok, back to the baby thing! -Annie